❌Trapped No More: Breaking the Trauma Bond with an Abusive (ex)Partner

About 1 in every 3 women experience abuse in their relationships AND about 1 in every 5 women have experienced a relationship with a narcissistic partner. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Yesterday, as I sat with my client, she poured out her heart about how trapped she feels. Trapped in a life that is unfulfilling, trapped in a marriage that is emotionally abusive, trapped in a past that refuses to turn her loose. To her, the situation is hopeless, and no one can really help her.

Sadly, what she feels is common and just what we deal with as women…or is it?

This client’s story is one I hear over and over from other women.

“He took all my shoes and the vacuum to work with him today.”

“He tells me he will tell the courts I am mentally unstable if I try to get custody of our child.”

“He will take my car away from me if I try to leave him.”

Each and every story pisses me off to the point I’m stressed, my head pounding with the injustice of all.

Why is this such a common occurrence?

When I look at each of the situations where women are being abused and feel ‘trapped’, I ask myself how can I help them? I did get out of a bad situation myself and it was hard…really hard.

However, sadly, I have realized that I have not completely broken those chains of an old abusive partner. How can this be? I am a coach. I teach and preach this. How in the world have I allowed this to be?

I know the rules. I know the games abusers play. I know their goal.

So how is it that I have a lingering ‘puppy dog’ that I can’t seem to shake entirely?

We oftentimes forget WHO we are and WHOSE we are!

As I listened to my client yesterday, angry as hell over the situation, I replay my advice to her.

“Remember who you are in Christ. You are more than a conqueror. You are a child of God. Trust Him (God). Stop allowing the words this man says to affect you. Like in a limousine, put the privacy glass up and shut the nonsense out. Be intentional and make plans for yours and your daughters’ lives. Pray and believe for the something better you want.”

But…one thing I did not tell her is to SET BOUNDARIES!

Ah-ha! Where the hell are my boundaries?

That’s why I didn’t tell her that…I have not SET and STUCK WITH boundaries! I don’t even live with the ‘puppy dog’ and I have yet to set the necessary boundaries.

Setting boundaries is crucial to breaking the cycle!

So, can boundaries even be set when you live with the offender. The answer is YES, yes you can! (More on this here!)

When children are involved, we women can feel even more trapped.

“I don’t want my child(ren) to miss time with their dad.”

“He’s going to make me out to the be the bad one with the kids and turn them against me.”

“He’ll take my child(ren) away from me.”

“He’ll take his frustrations out on our child(ren).”

Yea, I’ve been there. I have reasoned many of the same things out in my head and thought, “I’ll just keep the peace and ignore the idiotic stuff he says.”

But is that living? Is that the life that God has for me?

And do we really want our babies to see us suffering and think it’s ok in their own lives?

Peace and keeping the peace is two very different things.

The reality is true peace is setting boundaries and sticking with it…peace will arrive.

Keeping the peace is saying, “It’s ok that you are a total and complete douche bag; I’ll just sacrifice my life, my peace, my happiness so your tender insecurities aren’t aggravated.”

The realization of my own B.S. is my inspiration for today and the days to come.

So now, when my girlfriends, clients, other moms…my sisters…ask me “What should I do?”, I can answer honestly…all the above AND set some damn BOUNDARIES…AND STICK WITH THEM!

It’s up to us to make the decisions that will ultimately shape our lives. It’s our responsibility to say “ENOUGH”!

When we decide it’s finally enough…the universe will respond and move those mountains out of our way. I know it’s true, it’s happened time and time again in my life.

Today, I set the boundaries necessary for me to continue to thrive in my purpose…and for Heaven’s sake…to be at peace, joyful, and experiencing LOVE in way I could’ve only imagined before.

Check out my Empowered Woman Unleashed Course. The tools I teach in this course have helped me to become the Best Version of ME, giving me a FREEDOM that I enjoy everyday! Empowered Woman Unleashed HERE!

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