❤️‍🩹 Robbed by Insecurity: Healing & Regaining POWER

Fear is something everyone experiences to some degree, but when it comes in the form of insecurity, it makes relations with others difficult and in some cases, impossible.

'Everyone feels a little unsure at times. As humans, we constantly think, and some of our thoughts can be filled with doubt. This can lead to thoughts of insecurity. Too much insecurity can lead to other problems — in relationships and in your everyday life.’ -WebMD

Insecurity is developed within us from past challenges, abuse, or neglect by someone that was significant in our lives. Whatever those insecurities are, they produce a large, red, flashing light that says, “STOP, Don’t do it…Danger, Danger, Danger” when we are faced with a ‘possibility’ for our lives. We relate a new experience to all the old past B.S. so the new ‘possibility’ is a NO-GO!

Or…

We cling to the new ‘possibility’ with all our might to keep it from slipping away because we’ve experienced being abandoned, feeling that ‘everyone’ leaves. The clinging to that new ‘possibility’ is stifling for them, so…you guessed it, the new ‘possibility’ leaves.

It’s not always about a romantic relationship. Sometimes the ‘possibility’ is a new friendship or reconnecting with an absent parent or family member.

I’ve seen both scenarios with friends in their lives and I’ve been the insecure one in my own life many times. I’ve distanced myself from people because they reminded of someone that hurt me before, and I’ve clung to people that were so opposite of my past uglies that I was desperate not to let them go.

One friend is a classic finder of those that ‘need’ healing. She attaches herself or, shall I say, allows insecure people to find and attach themselves to her. She initially wants to ‘help’ a particular person which then turns into a relationship. The relationship starts out with lots of fun, deep conversation, new experiences…it has all the look and feel of a good thing.

But then something interesting always happens…she begins missing her other friends and family, her life before this new ‘possibility’ came along. She starts spending a little less time with new ‘possibility’ and it’s met with anger, desperation, guilt-tripping, accusations…on and on and until she says, “I’m done.”

I see this same kind of thing with people everywhere. People expose much of their insecurities on Social Media for everyone to analyze.

But what is insecurity, really? Not only is it fear but it’s a lack of confidence…

Lack of confidence in the ability to experience healthy relationships with others…

Lack of confidence that we are ‘good enough’ for healthy relationships…

Lack of confidence that a beautiful existence is meant for you and can be had…

(more on building a ‘Self-Confident You’ coming soon…)

Here’s the deal…you can overcome insecurities.

In my Empowered Woman Unleashed Course, I teach POWER Placement. POWER Placement is a method for having an imaginary shelf or an illustrated one on paper where you place all the old ‘stuff’ that you have experienced and is causing you insecurity, poor confidence, and pain still today in your life.

I have had an imaginary shelf in my head for many years. The eye level shelf consists of those people, things and experiences that deserve and require my best attention. The shelf above my head is for those items that I want or need but can’t quite reach it yet, like goals I’ve yet to achieve.

Then there’s the descending shelves. ‘Items’ are placed on the shelf by level of importance or lack there-of. The very bottom shelf belongs to the ugliest stuff I’ve dealt with in my life. But I didn’t just randomly stick those items on that shelf kind of like out of sight, out of mind. Nope! I unpacked, analyzed it, made sense of it, and packed it back and put it on that bottom shelf because I don’t have to think about it anymore. It can’t hurt me. I’ve healed from it.

Here's the 3 things you can do to heal from past experiences so you can pack up insecurity all together and put it away. Practicing and being intentional is the key to success here.

First, write down each of the life experiences that causes you pain. Include when that memory shows back up in your life and how it makes you feel.

I used to get really freaked out about being around men, particularly older men. On one occasion, I was working in office furniture sales. Networking was a normal part of the job, of course. My coworkers and bosses had business lunches with people all the time, but this was something I had never done.

So, a man asked me to a ‘business lunch’ and I accepted. I had been working to gain his business, so lunch was a ‘good thing’, right?

Wrong! I was terrified. I was suddenly that little girl again that had ‘no choice’ about what was happening to me. My thoughts were, “What if he makes a pass at me? What if he touches me?”

As an adult woman, it would seem the logical thought would be to say, “No, I’m not interested’ and end the lunch. But I wasn’t thinking like an adult woman. I had not healed from past trauma, so I was still thinking like a frightened child.  

The very first life experience I wrote down was being molested as a 5-year-old little girl. Yes, it was sooooo hard to write that down and think about it.

Second, write down what you learned from the life experience.

I struggled with this initially. I felt very defensive and did not want to see anything positive from such a horrendous experience. My ego wanted to continue to hurt and be a victim.

However, I liked the idea of being ‘more than a conqueror’ and victor instead of victim much better, so I dug deep to find the answers.

One thing that came from the experience is that I knew what to watch for with my own children. I was way more careful about where they went and who they were around. My friends that had not had the same type of experience as a child were way less cautious with their children and because of that, some of those kids had a similar experience to mine as a child.

Third, write down the outcome you desire (how you want to feel), with supporting POWER words and how those POWER words do make you feel.

I wanted to feel strong, independent, and confident, so I created powerful affirmations (POWER words) that supported that desire.

 *I am the child of the most-high God!

*I am a warrioress!

*Girl, get up!

*I got this!

I noticed, with practice, every time that past experience reared its ugly head to rob me of the good moments and I replaced it with my POWER Words, I began to feel different, experience moments with a new perspective and less fear. Yes, I can go to business lunches without fear of being pawed and abused now. LOL!

It took time and persistence, but I conquered my insecurities and replaced them with the light-hearted, confident woman I am today.

And you can too!

Just remember, major change doesn’t happen overnight, but you are a Warrioress; you are strong; you are well-able! I believe in you!

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Love you, Sis! Go be Great!