🤱🏽Overcoming "Mom Guilt": How to Let Go of the Feeling You're Not Doing Enough

If you’re a mom, chances are you’ve experienced it—the nagging feeling that you’re not doing enough, or that you’re somehow falling short as a parent. I know I have...well, actually it creeps up on me almost everyday! This feeling, often referred to as "mom guilt," is incredibly common, and it can be overwhelming. But here’s the truth: You are enough...I am enough and we’re doing a great job. Let’s explore how to overcome these feelings and find peace in the incredible job we, mommas, are already doing.

1. Recognize That Perfection is an Illusion

One of the biggest sources of mom guilt is the unrealistic expectation that you have to be perfect. Social media, parenting books, and even well-meaning friends and family can create a false image of what a “good mom” looks like. But perfection is an illusion. Every mom has struggles, and every child is different. What works for one family might not work for another, and that’s okay.

How to Combat It: Remind yourself daily that perfection isn’t the goal—being present, loving, and doing your best is. Celebrate your small wins, and recognize that mistakes are part of the journey, not a reflection of your worth as a mom.

My journey:  Navigating dyslexia with Cannon has been riddled with lots of emotions and feelings of inadequacy. Honestly, I didn't have the answers for how to help him (some days I still don't) so crying at night after he had gone to sleep was not uncommon. Sometimes we, moms, just need to cry and that's ok! But, one thing we can NOT do is dwell in that space. I have to remind myself often, these kiddos do not come with a 'How To' Guide. I'm learning. Cannon is learning. And it's going to be ok!

2. Set Realistic Expectations

Moms often place enormous pressure on themselves to juggle everything—work, home, kids, relationships, and self-care—flawlessly. This pressure can lead to feelings of inadequacy when things don’t go as planned. But it’s important to set realistic expectations for yourself.

How to Combat It: Start by identifying what truly matters to you and your family. Focus on these priorities, and let go of the need to excel at everything. It’s okay to say no, delegate tasks, or ask for help when you need it. Your well-being is just as important as everyone else’s.

My Self-Inflicted Demands: Many, many days, I ready myself for bed and think about all the things I did not get done that day. I didn't read with Cannon. I didn't take Izzy for a walk. I didn't call my grandchildren. I didn't call a friend that needs some encouragement. I didn't reach out to my client. On and on I can go with all the things I didn't get done on any given day. Then it hit me...as I chatted with my friend, Caroline, I asked her, "Have you thought about how much we do in a day? It doesn't seem humanly possible, if you think about it." That's when I decided to make a firm daily decision to appreciate myself for all the things I did get done!

3. Embrace the Power of "Good Enough"

The concept of “good enough” can be liberating. It doesn’t mean you’re settling for mediocrity; it means recognizing that you don’t have to go above and beyond in every single area. Sometimes, getting through the day is enough.

How to Combat It: Practice self-compassion and acknowledge that you’re doing your best with the resources and energy you have. Celebrate the days when everything goes smoothly, but also give yourself grace on the tough days. Remember, good enough is more than enough.

My Realization: If you're a mom that has been in close relations with someone that has emotional kicked your butt, you'll relate when I say the nonsense self- talk convincing me day in and day out that I'm not good enough in any area of my life was not my voice. It's the voice of that other person and it's on repeat in my head. My children love and appreciate me, my grandchildren adore me, my dog is thrilled when I come home, and my friends and family are my biggest fans. Yes, I AM GOOD ENOUGH and so are you!

4. Reframe Your Thinking

The way we talk to ourselves has a profound impact on how we feel. Negative self-talk can exacerbate feelings of guilt and inadequacy. Instead of focusing on what you’re not doing, shift your focus to what you are doing.

How to Combat It: Replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations. Instead of thinking, “I didn’t spend enough time with my kids today,” tell yourself, “I’m balancing a lot, and I’m doing the best I can.” Keep a journal where you write down your accomplishments, no matter how small. This practice can help you see how much you’re actually doing.

My Method: I police my thoughts. We have about 60,000 thoughts a day so thinking about combatting all of them is ridiculously overwhelming! I don't catch all the sneaky ugly thoughts, but when I do catch them, I make a point of asking myself, "Why are you thinking this way? What's something I love I can think about instead?" Then I force a smile and guide my emotions to better feelings. Here's the deal...when we are happy and intentionally feeling good, bad thoughts become less and less of the habitual part of thinking.

5. Make Time for Self-Care

Mom guilt often stems from the belief that you should be dedicating every waking moment to your children. However, neglecting your own needs can lead to burnout, making it harder to be the parent you want to be.

How to Combat It: Prioritize self-care, whether it’s taking a few minutes each day to meditate, exercise, read, or simply enjoy a cup of coffee in peace. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s essential. When you’re rested and fulfilled, you’re better equipped to care for your family.

My Self-Care: I used to think sacrificing all of me made me more worthy of the mom title. Stop! Stop it right now!  The simple truth is, I couldn't be the best for my family when I wasn't taking time to fill me back up. Even if I have to get up a few minutes earlier or stay up a few minutes later, I take time for me everyday. I must or I turn into Ursela the Sea Witch! A quiet cup of coffee, a few minutes to meditate, time to write in my journal, or a walk with Izzy help me to fill ME back up. Some days I do all the above! LOL!

6. Connect with Other Moms

There’s immense value in connecting with other moms who understand what you’re going through. Sharing your experiences, struggles, and triumphs can help normalize the challenges of motherhood and reduce feelings of isolation.

How to Combat It: Join a local mom group, participate in online forums, or simply reach out to a friend who’s also a mom. Hearing that others share your feelings can be incredibly validating and can remind you that you’re not alone in this journey.

My Support: Thinking I was the only mom on the planet struggling to find answers to help Cannon navigate right brain learning had me feeling incredibly lonely and discouraged. After moving Cannon to a private school, Discovery Learner's Academy, I met several other moms that understood. They didn't have all the answers either but we support one another as we all do our very best to raise our children in the healthiest environment we can. 

7. Focus on the Big Picture

In the day-to-day grind, it’s easy to get caught up in the little things and feel like you’re not doing enough. But try to keep the big picture in mind: the love, care, and guidance you’re providing your children every day.

How to Combat It: Take a step back and look at your child’s overall well-being. Are they loved? Are they safe? Are they learning and growing? If the answer is yes, then you’re doing an amazing job. Don’t let small, everyday challenges overshadow the great work you’re doing as a mom.

My child: One thing I hear often is that Cannon is a very loved kid. And he is. I know I do my best to make sure he knows that. It doesn't mean I don't make mistakes...lots of them, but I apologize when I handle something badly and promise to try to do better next time. Sometimes, that's all kids need is to feel head, understood and see us hold ourselves accountable on the days when we get it horribly wrong. 

We Are Enough

Mom guilt is a tough challenge, but it’s one we can overcome with self-compassion, realistic expectations, and support from others. Remember, we are enough. We’re doing a great job, even on the days when it doesn’t feel like it. We must embrace the journey of motherhood, with all its ups and downs, knowing that we are each the perfect mom for our children.

BONUS: A Mom's mindset must be protected, healed, and challenged. With that being my goal for all moms, I created Empowered Woman Unleashed. It's my course that supports a POWER MOMMA Mindset! Check it out here...with several flexible options.